


i tried to get my friends together.

by orphan_account



Category: Buzzfeed Outsmarted, Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series), Buzzfeed Worth It
Genre: Closeted Character, Everyone Is Alive, F/M, Fluff and Humour, Friends to Lovers, Gen, Getting Together, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Trapped In A Closet, Twitter, everyone is happy, except shane and ryan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-07
Updated: 2017-10-08
Packaged: 2019-01-10 06:26:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12293214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Mike turns on the camera and looks at it, deadly serious. “Love is a very cherished thing,” he begins. It’s a very odd change from his usual introduction. “It usually results in happiness, but it is very annoying to watch two people so obviously in love that it hurts to see them looking at each other.”He sighs and shakes his head for a solid ten seconds. “I’m sure you all know who I’m talking about. Shane and Ryan. They’re so obviously in love it hurts… and that’s why I’ve decided that for this episode of Outsmarted I’m going to get them together.”





	1. prelude.

Mike turns on the camera and looks at it, deadly serious. “Love is a very cherished thing,” he begins. It’s a very odd change from his usual introduction. “It usually results in happiness, but it is very annoying to watch two people so obviously in love that it hurts to see them looking at each other.”

He sighs and shakes his head for a solid ten seconds. “I’m sure you all know who I’m talking about. Shane and Ryan. They’re so obviously in love it hurts… and that’s why I’ve decided that for this episode of Outsmarted I’m going to get them together.”

From nowhere, he pulls out a folder labelled  _ SHYAN PLANS.  _ “You guys put this folder of evidence together for me.” Mike says, and a quiet laugh leaves his lips. “This is the largest file of evidence I’ve ever been sent. Thanks!” He pauses. “Anyway, I’ve employed practically everyone else here to help me get them together. Hopefully, we’ll do it.”

**_plan one:_ **

**_the generic shove them in the closet until they kiss plan._ **

**_success rate: low. i mean, why on earth would shoving them in a closet do anything except make them fall asleep on each other?_ **

“Okay.” Mike says, early the next morning, with his band of merry men sitting in a circle around the round table. “Who’s gonna do it?”  
  
“Do what?” Ben says, walking into the room and pulling a shirt over his head at the same time. “Please tell me you’re not planning to have me kidnapped again.”  
  
“I’m not,” he says, stifling a laugh. “I’m planning to get Shane and Ryan together.”

“Oh, okay,” Ben replies, completely unruffled. “D’you want me to shove one of ‘em in the closet while one of you get the others?”  
  
“Yeah, sure,” Mike grins, “who’s gonna get the second one?”  
  
“I’ll do it.” Adam volunteers. 

_ [they feel a plan coming together. a plan against them. while they’re driving to work together, they both sneeze at the same time. “this is the work of a fucking demon.” ryan says. _

_ shane laughs. “demons aren’t real, but sure.”] _

Mike laughs, but stops abruptly. “Tomorrow.” He says. “We’ll carry it out tomorrow.”

**mike**  @outsmartedMike

new episode of outsmarted next week! this time, we're attempting to get two people together.

_@outsmartedMike_ has one tweet.


	2. day one.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mike's first attempt to get shane and ryan together. it does involve shoving them in a closet, despite how idiotic he thought it would be. 
> 
> in summary: there's a main of claustrophobia, with a side of steven/andrew

**_day one, and the first attempt takes place_  
**   
_you are taking me apart like bad glue_  
on a get-well card  
\- panic! at the disco, always.  
  


From his place around the corner, Mike watches as Shane sits down with his lunch in hand. He turns to face the camera and begins to speak, as softly as possible to keep himself from alerting Shane to his presence. 

“As you can see, we’ve found a wild Shane Madej.” He whispers, as theatrically as he can. Mike lifts up the whistle around his neck. “When I blow this whistle,” he taps it, “Ben and Adam are going to take Shane and Ryan into the nearby closet and leave them there for about half an hour. Wish us luck!” Mike finishes, and he blows the whistle as loudly as he can.

He only sticks around for long enough to see Ben scoop Shane up, see Shane’s completely unsurprised look and hear Ryan’s scream of terror.

“And… plan one is go!”

 

**mike** @outsmartedMike

i never knew whistles could be so loud.

**Shane Madej** @Shalexandej

_ replying to @outsmartedMike _

I bet you’re the one who planned this out @outsmartedMike.

**mike** @outsmartedMike

_ replying to @Shalexandej _

guilty as charged.

 

Half an hour later, Andrew takes pity on them, and opens the door. “Sorry, man,” he whispers, watching sharply as Shane carries a sleeping Ryan out. 

“It’s fine,” Shane replies. “I’m fine. Ryan’s got really bad claustrophobia, though, so I had to help calm him down.” He smiles fondly at his best friend, as if he totally, one hundred percent does not like him as anything more than that. 

Andrew smiles. “I’ll leave you to it.”

He backs away slowly, and once Shane can’t see him, runs to Steven, slightly shocked. “Jesus Christ,” he mumbles into Steven’s skin, and lets Steven rub his back and kiss his forehead. “They’re so cute together, they act like even more of a couple than us!”

Steven giggles and kisses him again.

As they begin to finish up for the day, Mike takes out the GoPro he’d hidden in the corner of the room. There’s not much footage that says that anything happened, only Shane comforting Ryan through the claustrophobic attack that Mike wasn’t aware Ryan could have spring up on him and them telling ghost stories to each other (well, mostly Shane) that soothe Ryan into sleep.

He sighs and deletes the footage. They've done nothing to deserve it being put on the Internet for everyone to see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> steven/andrew is a beautiful thing.

**Author's Note:**

> i wish mike had a twitter i could use it to encourage myself to make memes


End file.
